To-Do List

All morning I have felt jacked up and slightly anxious. Not worried, but excited like the molecules in a solution set to boil. Before six this morning I was already thinking there was too much to do. Rather than calm down about it — why be reasonable? — I spun up into an internal frenzy. Three hours later, I'm still jacked up.

It might help to write a to-do list:

  1. Call someone about replacing our leaking roof. Call three someones and compare.
  2. Get a cash-out mortgage refinance to pay for the roof, new windows, maybe a new driveway. It's great that all of this falls apart as I'm switching jobs and our daughter goes to college. Sigh.
  3. Finish school and quit. Twelve days of school remain. Thinking of the last day is good excitement but having a dozen days left is deeeeeeeeeeeepressing.
  4. Help get my wife a new job. Got any suggestions?
  5. Learn everything about my new job. This may require about five years. Sigh.
  6. Do laundry. There's something I can handle!
  7. Lose twenty pounds. Please pass the dougnuts.
  8. Finish the three books I'm not really reading. Or quit reading at least two of them and get into something good.
  9. Have I quit my job yet? How about now? Now?
  10. Talk with Mom's financial planner, meet with lawyers, learn the basics of investing, retirement planning, long-term care, wills, trusts, and whatever else. How does next Tuesday sound to get that all done?
  11. Write a blog post. (Hey, this might be one of those.)
  12. Write a poem. It has been ages. Of course, before that I need to...
  13. Read poetry. I haven't made time for that in ages either.
  14. Go to my daughter's choir concert. Yay!
  15. Quit job. Okay, maybe finish the twelve days first. Damn it.
  16. Figure out our retirement, insurance, savings, paying for college, and how many records I can buy before bankruptcy. Brother, can you spare a dime?
  17. Remember Dad. He might not know what to do, but he sure seemed like he did.
  18. Breathe. Maybe meditate. Get some sleep. Run. Enjoy real solitude (time alone with my thoughts, free from anyone else's).
  19. Make to-do lists.
  20. Crumple and toss the lists away. Do just one thing right now. Or do nothing.

I still feel jacked up. Let me print this and do #20. It might feel better.