All morning I have felt jacked up and slightly anxious. Not worried, but excited like the molecules in a solution set to boil. Before six this morning I was already thinking there was too much to do. Rather than calm down about it — why be reasonable? — I spun up into an internal frenzy. Three hours later, I'm still jacked up.
It might help to write a to-do list:
- Call someone about replacing our leaking roof. Call three someones and compare.
- Get a cash-out mortgage refinance to pay for the roof, new windows, maybe a new driveway. It's great that all of this falls apart as I'm switching jobs and our daughter goes to college. Sigh.
- Finish school and quit. Twelve days of school remain. Thinking of the last day is good excitement but having a dozen days left is deeeeeeeeeeeepressing.
- Help get my wife a new job. Got any suggestions?
- Learn everything about my new job. This may require about five years. Sigh.
- Do laundry. There's something I can handle!
- Lose twenty pounds. Please pass the dougnuts.
- Finish the three books I'm not really reading. Or quit reading at least two of them and get into something good.
- Have I quit my job yet? How about now? Now?
- Talk with Mom's financial planner, meet with lawyers, learn the basics of investing, retirement planning, long-term care, wills, trusts, and whatever else. How does next Tuesday sound to get that all done?
- Write a blog post. (Hey, this might be one of those.)
- Write a poem. It has been ages. Of course, before that I need to...
- Read poetry. I haven't made time for that in ages either.
- Go to my daughter's choir concert. Yay!
- Quit job. Okay, maybe finish the twelve days first. Damn it.
- Figure out our retirement, insurance, savings, paying for college, and how many records I can buy before bankruptcy. Brother, can you spare a dime?
- Remember Dad. He might not know what to do, but he sure seemed like he did.
- Breathe. Maybe meditate. Get some sleep. Run. Enjoy real solitude (time alone with my thoughts, free from anyone else's).
- Make to-do lists.
- Crumple and toss the lists away. Do just one thing right now. Or do nothing.
I still feel jacked up. Let me print this and do #20. It might feel better.