Just One

Most mornings, after writing Morning Pages, I read one passage from Daily Doses of Wisdom, underlining passages that speak to me, noting the date on the page, replacing the bookmark, and placing the book back on the shelf. I've been working for years to develop this as a daily practice but am still a beginner falling down often, missing days, learning only in the last few months to do this each and every morning.

Regular practice shows me things and invites more regular practice. I'm learning that there is time every morning to read a passage, no need to skip or rush through. The time to read one passage is well spent and does not keep me from my appointed rounds. Often, it augments what I do and how I feel that day. However, some mornings, such as today, I can't recall what I've just read. Going back to it now I see that passage 268 says:

The wonder I feel at there being something rather than nothing is so large it goes beyond my calculation, beyond the possibility of my making an explanation, far beyond my understanding. That a parcel of vain strivings should appear in this world and be able to experience love, life, loss, beauty, growth — it is beyond my ability to ever fully comprehend. And that it should be embraced by infinite wisdom and compassion beyond the self and delivered to awakening and bliss — it is truly wondrous.

My only hope of expressing these feelings is through the nembutsu, the voice of buddha-nature itself.

— Jeff Wilson, _Buddhism of the Heart

Rereading hasn't brought me much closer to understanding. Sometimes that's just how it goes, and I'm trying to learn to accept that some lessons don't land and advance my life as I might expect. My growing faith is that these things accrue mysteriously if I just keep practicing.

I sound like Thomas Merton's prayer about not knowing how to please God but believing that the desire to please Him does in fact please Him. Accepting mystery seems a good path and teaches some of the humility I sorely need.

Tomorrow, I'll take a single Daily Dose of Wisdom again, trying to open myself to both the immediate benefits and the mysterious consequences. I'll likely feel inclined to read another but resist that urge, trying to trust the power of doing something once daily every day I'm fortunate enough to live in this world.